Wednesday, July 15, 2009

I just need him right now... badly. ='(

Excerpt from my text convo with my dear sweetcheeks...


ME: Why do I always get disappointed by my situation with Rai if it's our fucking monthsary? ='( Nakakawalang gana. Amf.

Sweetcheeks: What happened?

ME: Wala lang. Sabi niya, magkikita kami ng tuesday. Namove ng thursday. Tapos ngayon, saturday na lang daw. Fuck. Ayoko na. Taena.

Sweetcheeks: Baka busy?

ME: Uunga. Studies. At nakakairita ung feeling na wala kang laban at wala kang magawa. Taena. Studies un e. Alangan naman sabihin mo, wak na siya pumunta dun sa company study nila. Haayy..

Sweetcheeks: Eh un naman pala sweetcheeks. Di ba? Intindihin mo na lang. Kasi important talaga un.

ME: Nakakadisappoint lang.. Uu, gets ko, studies un e. Pero wala lang.. Minsan, gusto kong maging selfish.. I just need him right now.. badly. ='( And it's not just because it's our monthsary.. Haayy.. Everything around me just fucked up. Tapos, parang siya na lang pinanghahawakan ko, wala pa.. Nakakadisappoint. I just feel so alone. ='( Even though I know I got you guys, iba syempre pag si Rai.. Haayyy...

Make me feel better. =(

Haaayyy... It's our 7th monthsary today. But guess what? It's not a good day again. Nothing happened that made my day good. I think, just the same with our 6th. Is this what will always happen to our monthsary? If that's the case, I won't be looking forward to the 15th of every month. =(

You know how I hate not having to see you every week. It's very hard for me to ease the loneliness of not being with you. Yeah, I got to talk to you but it's always different to have you beside me, laughing with me, singing for me, or just bum around with me. I always want you around me even though I know it's very impossible for us. That's why I only ask one day for every week from you. But we do know that sometimes, it just can't happen. But for this special day? I can't be with you? It sucks.. BIG TIME. I HATE IT. ='(

*sigh* I don't want to blog anymore. I can't blog what I really feel inside. Words are just ain't enough for all the emotions that I am feeling right now -- hurting, disappointed, very much loneliness, emptiness, lost and every little word that you can associated with sadness or bad feeling. =( I just want to cry.. badly.



I feel the tiredness again. =( Everything's fucked up with my life. Even the only thing I am just holding into.... you. T____T

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Who want CHANGES?

July just started and the month of June just passed. But obviously, in my life, there are a lot of changes that has been happening. I don't know if I successfully adapted with the situation but I believe that I'm not yet done and over it. I just can't cope with changes that easily. DANG.

Let me just rant all about it...

Lola went to GA

First stop was actually last May --a few days before the end of that specific month. My lola flew to Georgia and she will be staying there for six months. Yeah, luckily, not for good. I really can't imagine my life before without my beloved lola. She's like my Mom to me. She takes care of me a lot especially about my food. My mom can sleep without checking if I ate 3 times a day while my lola will always bug and ask me if I already eat. Hahaha!

I have been independent to her for so long.. like since birth because my mom is working. So I really cried and was super worried when she left us to go to Georgia. :(

But of course, I'm happy that she experienced being with Tito Ric's family. :)



Rai's parents arrived from MD

Oh yeah, gone are the days when I can just go to his place whenever I want.. or mostly, every weekends. It's like my weekend getaway to be at their place and just spending the night with him. Not the day because I'm just sleeping during the day after work. Haha! And yeah, we don't get to see that much often now. Talk about weekends as OFTEN. Psh.

But of course, I'm happy that his parents arrived because I know that he definitely missed them.. especially during special occasions.


My uncle arrived from Puerto Galera

My boyfriend and I's resort for the not-seeing-each-other-days would be by ALWAYS talking over the phone. Yeah, it's already a "session" that we talk whenever I arrive from work (that's during the morning when he don't have school yet) and before I go to work (evenings before he sleep). But now that his parents arrive, 9PM is lights out and we can't talk for so long over the phone. Reason? Parents, of course. My mom also do that to me. It's just that, she's not always around. Bwahaha.

AND since my uncle arrived from Puerto Galera, he occupied Lola's place. Eh, my brother and I was the one occupying that because it has the sala, dining, kitchen, cr and everything already! And yeah, the phone is also there. So, since he arrived, I cannot use the phone anymore. Hah! I don't want to get hurt by him. :P And seriously, after he arrived, I was never able to step on that room. T__T

Actually, we have an extension phone upstairs and that's with my other uncle. But of course, I don't want to bother just to burn the phone lines. Such a disturbance, right?

So, Rai and I can't talk over the phone anymore as often as we want and we can't see each other as much as we would love to. =(

But of course, I'm happy that my uncle is safe because he left us and work in Puerto Galera starting November of last year and there was no communication at all. I even dreamt of him at times and the dream that I always have is his arrival. Hahaha!


Mostly, the changes that occured REALLY affected my relationship with Rai. =( After six months of getting used to the things that you are doing or having, changes is slowly taking it all away. That's why I hate changes. SUCH A HINDRANCE FOR MY HAPPINESS! X_x I know, this month of June was not an easy month for us. There was so many things that happened and I know, I gave so much drama. Hubby, sorry. =( I've been insecured about our relationship and I just can't help it. I'm trying my best to keep our relationship intact despite the distance but fate can't just get enough of giving us challenges. ARGH. I'm just thinking of what you're always saying.. this will not happen forever. Everything will go back to its places again and we will live happily ever after. YEHEYYY! Hahahaha! But seriously, thanks for staying with me. :)



And yeah, there's another change that occurred that is definitely giving me a lot of stress!

"Acting Coach" for Wave 7

I definitely would love to try being a coach but I'm just not ready yet handling new agents. I just can't stand how irrational sometimes, they can be. I would choose handling my group, two teams from Security Freeze, than handling Dispute and the newest wave that we have. ARGGGGGHHH. It's really stressful having them.

And why I was appointed there? There supposed-to-be coach is always absent. Some are already joking that she's making Sitel a part-time job e. She's just showing up like once every two weeks? COME ON. And my boss, the Operations Manager (OM), was the one who appointed me to handle that wave. Oh yeah, I was overwhelmed but... I believe I'm still adjusting, until now. T____T

And hey, awhile ago, my friend ask me on what is my current status on the floor. I told him that I really don't know. I am Line 2 aka L2, Real Time Analyst (RTA) and Siebel Assistant (for sales). All-in-one. DANG. (Salary increase! LOL.) But for now, I am the coach for Wave 7. He told me, he's a QA (Quality Analyst), that they received an e-mail that our OM is asking for an L2 for our department, Security Freeze, and there was a note there that they cannot choose me anymore for I'll be manning wave 7. I don't know if I should be happy because I don't need to handle many people but... I'd rather choose my team rather than wave 7. Hahahaha! I know favoritism, LOL, but I'm just used (gamay) with my team. X___x

I don't know what's happening. I'm just being stressed out with whatever is happening in my life. I want my life during summer... and fast forward to me being a coach. BWAHAHAHA. :P


Oh hell, whatever. This has been a very loooooooooong rant already. Hahaha! I doubt if someone reached the end of this blog. LOL.


Another thing... (Meron pa?)


I'm excited for the coming months... Hehe!

By August, his parents will go back to MD. But his Dad is not yet sure. So, I can get my happy weekends again in their house. :)

By the end of October, before my birthday!!!, Lola will go back here in PH. She told me the last time that we talked that she do have a gift for me. She's actually excited. Haha! I don't know what would that be but of course, I'm not expecting it's a laptop or something techie. My Lola won't be excited because of that. Maybe, it's a dress... something to wear! That's what can excite her. Haha! Waaaaaaaa. I wonder.. Naexcite tuloy ako. Hahahaha!

By November, Tito told us that he will go back to Puerto Galera so... the phone will be back to MY possession. BWAHAHAHAHAHA.

By December, it's my anniversary with Rai. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! =)

That's it. ENOUGH. HAHAHAHA! :P

Monday, July 6, 2009

Ok ka ba chan?

My inbox suddenly kept on beeping because of constant messages. So, I checked on who texted and it was Chan who Y!Med me.

chan: bhaby kew >:D<>:D<>:D<>



N.O.N.S.T.O.P.

So I got my YM online to see on what's his problem. Here's our convo:

L: /:) bored?
chan: bcoz of me?
chan: hehehe
L: im asking you if you're bored.
chan: wrong sent..
chan: hehe
L: what wrong sent?
chan: yung reply ko kanina
chan: senxa..
chan: papasok ka pa???
L: ung "bcoz of me"?
chan: ahuh
L: yep. papasok pa ko. 10pm na. nakakatamad e.
chan: ok ka n ba?
L: me pantal pa rin. nangangati pa nga rin ako e.
chan: di wak ka na pumasok
L: hindi pwede. critical work day ngayon e. bawal umabsent.
chan: aaahhh.. kaw bahala.. sana lang nde ka maging critical.. haha
L: hahahaha! hindi naman siguro.
L: why you're calling me "bhaby kew" nga pala?

chan: na miz ko lang ..
L: ha
chan: baket bawal na ba?
L: ?
L: uhmm.. bhaby mo pa rin ba ko? haha.

chan: uu naman..
chan: kahit ayaw mo
chan: :P
chan: :))
L: me ganun?! addeeeek.
chan: nde mo na na miz un
chan: 15 m caloocan
chan: :D
chan: :))
chan: asl?
L: ang dami mong alam.
chan: hehhehe
chan: assuuss.. nangiti ka din siguro
L: psh. adeeek. di mo na ko pwedeng tawaging bhaby kew noh.
L: at hindi ka na 15. :P

chan: hehehe
chan: bakit?
L: BAWAL. me nagmamay ari na sa kin. BLEH :P



Ohhkaaaay. That was our convo. Chan was my ex way way back before. Like.. when I was in 4th year high school. Talk about agessss! :P

Missed talks.

Just got off from the phone after talking to him. Awww. I miss our long talks. :( It's a nice feeling having to talk to you again over the phone. :) Refreshing. Haha!

I think I'm getting use to not having phone talks with you. But the good thing is, whenever I got the chance to have that again, I love the "missed feeling". It's like falling in love again.. over and over. Ahaha. Me ganun?!

Oh well, look how time flies. It's been a month since we have this kind of sitch. And I guess, I'm pretty adapting with our situation. I still have my down feeling but I guess, I'm learning how to handle it. Just don't blame me if I usually have those. Hey, I remember what you said yesterday, "Normal lang sa magkalayo ang magdramahan." Hahaha. Loooove it. Thanks for always understanding me. Thanks for always loving me even though it's hard for you to do that during difficult times. That's why I love you more. Hihi. :P

Oh well, now that I gave you permission to read this, I believe that this will just be my way of letting things out.. things that I can't say over the phone or I can't say as of the moment. At times, I'll just pretend that you won't be reading it. Hahahaha! Let's see on how good am I fooling myself. LOL

I remember something again! (I'm good at remembering? :P) When you told (or invited) me yesterday that you want me to come when you're going out with your family, I was overwhelmed. I felt truly special. Awww. You're so sweet. :) Just want to say that. Haha! I can't find words to explain e. I'm still overwhelm! :P

Sunday, July 5, 2009

He's not in the mood. =(

Written around 10AM


Woke up in a high mood. I was about to write something lively but.. you're not in the mood. I'm affected. :( I'm not used seeing you feel so down. :( Maybe because you're my other half.. I feel whatever you feel. *sigh* I just hope that you will be okay, soon.

I want to know what's bothering you. I asked you and I believe that you're not yet in the mood to open up. I'll just wait for the time that you will tell me the real score. I know that you can't help it anyways. :) Just give me a text or ring, okay? I miss you.

*sigh* I'm still wondering what happened last night. Argh.





Oh well, I noticed something.. actually, I've noticed this before and I just need to blurt it out right now. Whenever I post something in your accounts, you're deadma noh? You're not taking notice of it. Most of the time, I feel like you don't appreciate me giving lil notes to you through your accounts. But somehow, I learned to dismiss the feeling. You're just not the type to reply to every message that I give. Even with text messages, you're not just into replying. Hehe. Right?

It would be nicer if you can reply. Just show some appreciation. Haha! But of course, I won't tell you that I really want that to happen. Ayoko nga. Bleh :P I don't know. I'm really not the type who always say what I want. If I will be doing that everytime, I will feel like you're just spoiling me that's why you're doing things that I want. Wala lang... But hey, I'm trying to open up to you about the things that hurt me or whatever I like, right? I'm trying. Ahaha. :)

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Changes.. I HATE YOU.

I was pretty upset for today. It started this morning and I am still upset until now. And probably, that's the reason I haven't pack yet my things to bring for tomorrow's team building slash swimming. :(

Yesternight's shift was very tiring. I was the coach for our newest wave on the floor which is wave 7. They've been taking calls for two months already with us but they have so many issues. I don't know with them.. Hmppp! That's why my Wednesday shift was really stressful and tiring. I kept on walking around the production floor, the good thing is they did not give me any supp calls. I believe I only got 2 last night. Good thing. :)

I arrived last night at work around 10PM and I left around 8:30AM. Talk about being a dedicated coach for I cannot just leave them behind. :( After that, I went to the grocery to buy some chocolates for them later. I told them that for every sale, I will be giving them chocolate. Let's talk about boosting them to have their sales. Haha!

By 10:30AM or so, I arrived at home and ate brunch. My feet and knees are uber aching and I just want to relax or let's say, free my mind from all of the stress. So, I decided to ask my boyfriend if I can call him because I surely miss him. :( We were not able to talk that much last night because of the problem with our cellphone. X( So, he said yes to my request. I called him. We talked for a while and then it started to get noisy at his place. He was actually at the pc shop during that time while waiting for the 12noon time. I don't know what happen but I just got irritated. Maybe because I'm stressed and tired of my day and I just want to talk to him just to calm me. He's the one that can always calm me.. But then, because of the situation, I bid my goodbye and told him that I'll be sleeping already. ARGH. I hate it.

After our talk, I don't know what happened. I just noticed that I can't help my tears from falling. Fucking emo. X____x I dunno. Maybe during that time, I just need someone to talk to, to listen to, or just for me to unwind and I can find nobody. :( I can't talk to him. Fucking noise. *sigh*


"Miss ko na ung nakakausap kita lagi... Ung oras ung tinatagal ng pag-uusap natin... Ung alam na alam ko lahat ng nangyayari sa'yo... Haayy... Nababago na talaga lahat sa paraang hindi ko gusto pero wala kong magawa... I hate it. ='("