Random in AM

Being the first means a lot and you can’t just erase that fact. He will always be special to me. But that’s just it. Or that’s just what I want him to be.

**

She’s still pretty as ever. We still care for each other. But that’s just it. I won’t let her to get into my nerves again.

**

I am still craving for Black Forest! I want an



Apple iPhone,

PSP (slim!)

and an iPod vid.


And hey, I still want a Portable DVD.


Grrrr. How I love to buy gadgets. But I can still stop myself from doing so. I should not be spending my money to things I don’t really need.

**

I want to be shower with gifts! Who doesn’t anyway? You should not have asked me if I still want “Tiny” because I still do. I just put it at the back of my mind but I still do want that. Ahaha. I want Tiny with a bouquet of flowers!



Bwahaha. Demanding, eh? But I won’t be expecting. You’re not the type anyway. =P

**

I want to marry you NOW. I want to be with you. I want to spend my nights with you. But that’s a crazy thing to do. We’re still young. Ahaha! And I am not yet ready… financially. Or rather, it’s you that is not yet ready. I want to live a luxurious life. Haha!

**

My confidence is leaving me. I have this feeling that I won’t pass as a coach. I won’t pass my interview or people will still think that I am not yet ready even though I really want to try it. I still don’t know on what I really want in my career life. There are times that I think I can be in the company for as long as I can but then, there are times that I really want to teach but I don’t want to study. Bwahaha.

**

There are times that I think that you don’t deserve me. Times that I think I’m just the one making all of the efforts. But then I can see myself wrong because you are doing what you can… simple things but it really matters. I just don’t want to see it that way. How to learn to expect a little? Or never to expect? Darn.

She’s still pretty as ever… *sigh*

May 11, 2009
3:48 AM

I was browsing the internet awhile ago when the connection was disconnected. So I just decided to clean my desktop for there are so many notepads, documents and songs scattering around. I changed my wallpaper to a picture of my hubby and then, I noticed the “JKDS” folder. Of course, I do know whose folder is that… my beloved past. Ahaha. Noticed how I used the word “beloved”? Lol.

I was browsing her folder out of curiosity. It was actually from her phone’s memory card. And yes, I was able to find so many pictures. What do you expect from a camwhore like her? Ahaha. And hey, we also have some pictures there. I never thought that she will still keep it. Am I touched? Yeah right. Haha! So, I was just browsing the pictures when I can’t help but say, “She’s still pretty as ever”. Oh well, she’s really beautiful even before. She looks mature now because of the make up that she usually puts on but with or without, she’s still pretty. Ohh-kayyy, lesbo mode? Ahaha.

Just can’t help but miss her. Or let’s say… the way we were before. I never regretted that I had her and vice versa. I never regretted what we had. But I won’t be trading anything just to get that again. Anyways, I still have her. But of course, we are just plain best friends right now. I know and feel that there are still connections between us and there are still possibilities. But then… oh hell. What am I thinking? I’m letting her to get into my nerves again. Grrrrr.

Oh hubby, forgive me if I am weak… if I was weak. X_x But I do love you. I really really do. There are just moments that I can’t help but to go back to that past. Reminisce about it and remember again how hurt was I. And yeah, it’s like I’m hurting myself again for thinking about it. I don’t know with myself. Maybe it’s my period that makes me so sensitive like this. But…. *sigh*. Just always remember that I love you… and you’re the one that I love now.

Girl Love

"Sabi ko, kinukwento ko sayo lahat ng kalokohan ko. Tapos sabi ko kunsintidor ka. Haha! Tapos sabi ko mahal na mahal kita na bestfriend ko. Haha!"


My dear ex-girlfriend/bestfriend sent me that message a while ago. Yeah, we were texting and I was the one who initiated the conversation. I was being bothered already with Kiss (not her real name, of course) who kept on talking to me about her -- my dear ex-girlfriend. Okay, let's give my ex a pseudo name like... Shy.

Shy is my one and only girlfriend.. or the only one that I counted in. Okay, I do have another girl before, let's call her Mean but Shy and I always refer to her as "neglected" because I don't really count her as one of my past girl. On what I do know, and that I do accept, is that I only have one girl.. Shy.

My relationship with Shy lasted for two and a half years.. and it ended last March 2008. My relationship with her was the longest one and I do acknowledge the fact that I had the hard(est!) time moving on and letting go of her.. an almost three year relationship is not a joke after all!

So, we're okay now and we're still the best of friends.. but definitely, there are things that changed already. We're not that close anymore but we still keep on updating each other. Maybe that's really how is it.

And there is this new girl in her life -- Kiss. She's actually a friend of ours. I know Kiss first through online and then Shy got to know her and they became closer. Until Shy kept on telling me that Kiss is pretty and she really wants Kiss to be her girl. So, I just go ahead and supported her. Shy has been thinking that I might be jealous or that it might not be fine with me because Kiss is both our friend. But with what's happening with my love life? I can't be bitter or selfish anymore. I am happy now and she deserves that kind of happiness too.

But something came up that makes them go farther from each other. Suddenly, their closeness goes to not talking to each other. Oh yeah, it was Shy who is not talking to her. *Sigh*

Finally, when I talked to her, I know now on what seems to be the problem. She don't want Kiss anymore because she's not a cowboy. She's don't want to ride a jeepney, too much hassle when with her, etc. And she just can't stand her -- all of a sudden. Oh well, there are so many things that you will know about a person once you get to know them or be with them for a longer period.

I was telling Shy awhile ago to have the heart to tell Kiss that she don't want her anymore. It's like being fair.. even though she'll be hurting Kiss' feelings. And guess what? Shy have another flirting buddy -- the ex-girlfriend of Kiss. Bittersweet, isn't it? Sigh.

Too much hassle. Too much issue. That's it for now.
Ssssshhhh! :P