I'm full!!

I just ate palabok and muffin and darn, I'm so full! And it's also because I just ate rice awhile ago.. around 6 in the morning. Then after that, I slept at work. Hahaha!

It's really nice to have my grandma at home. She always takes care of me.. and all of us! She always prepare food for me. Whenever I ask for food, with just a moment, there will be food already. Don't you just love that?? Oh grandma.. I really don't know if I can last a lifetime without you. You should wait first for the daughters of my siblings before you die. Okay?

Shocks. Now I remember my great grandma. :( She told me that she'll wait for me to graduate in high school and college but she was not able to. :( She's the only person who knows that I want to be a teacher someday.. and she really support me for my dream. Argh. I'm getting teary eye already. I miss you Great grandma! :'(

Moving on.. I'm talking about being full because..... of the food that I just ate! Hahaha! No, seriously, it's more on what I feel inside -- emotionally.

As of now, I feel overwhelmed and full of love. <3 Actually, mi boyfriend and I had a fight yesterday. Or let's say, it's one of my art-e days. I was just feeling blue and so sensitive during that time that I feel like I crave for so much attention.

We were just having our usual talks over the phone.. and then I got irritated. Then I started to talk about me leaving him. Of course he's use to it. I don't actually know if he's still being scared whenever I talk about it. Or if he believes that I will or I might do that someday. I only have a vague idea as of now.. really. And then, I asked on what will he do if I suddenly won't reply to his messages anymore or if I won't be answering his calls. Then he said that he will look for me.. bother me and all so that I will reply or he can talk to me.

And then, being the playful me, wanting for some attention, suddenly said that I don't want him anymore and I started not replying. Haha. BUT... looks like he doesn't care that much. HE JUST SLEPTTTTTTTTTT!!!!! I so hate him that time. I feel like I was not love. :( How can he sleep with us not okay? :( On second thought, he might be uber tired because of his jogging activity that morning. But still.. I did not thought about that yesterday! Bwahaha.

So, being the maart-e me, I was being such a spoiled brat to her. I even cried. T__T I don't know. He can easily make me cry. He's that type. Grrrr. I so love him that he can easily hurt me. :(

And then, last night.. we got to talk about things.. seriously. I told him how I miss the feeling that I am so love by him. I told him that he was not wrong.. it's just that there's something missing.. that kind of love that we had before.

I miss how he wait for me outside the office during Saturdays. How I comfortably sleep beside him even inside the bus! Haha! I just miss those moments. :( I just feel that most of the time, he's not doing much effort already. I don't want to enumerate the things that I did versus the things that he did for me. That would be bad and I am not doing those so that I can have something to tell into his face. It's just that sometimes, I feel tired already always giving and showing him how I love him. Why can't he show me he love me too? The same energy and level on how I show it to him?

And I believe.. I already made that impression to him last night. I just wish that there will be no more Saturday classes for him so that he can go to work again and wait for me to go out. I wish he'll be man enough in our relationship.. Ikaw naman bebebs! Hihi.

I love you still. I really really do. I won't give up on you. Just promise me that everything will be fine and that you'll always stay with me even if the world will fall apart. Will you?

Runaway.

Last Monday was my birthday.. Happy 21st birthday to me! Binata na ko. LOL. But then, after my said birthday, it doesn't seem like I'm old enough. I went back to being a child again running away from home.

Oh well, it's my kind of game. Just when I want to runaway, I will. Just when I want to hide, I will go far away from home. Wherever. But what happened after my birthday is not really running away from home. I just wanna be with him. I just feel like celebrating my day with him. Just that. Oh yeah, he was with me during my birthday. We went to the cemetery together with my family and then, we swam with my cousins. After that, time for me to go to work. I don't really like going to work. I feel like I'm still "bitin" with the time that I was with him. Argh. Why did I never think about filing my leave on my birthday? Stupid.

So, I went to work at 9PM even though my shift is actually at around 12AM. Then I was there until 9AM. Talk about being there for 12 hours. Hah!

So, after my shift, I still have the feeling of going to my boyfriend's place. I just feel so exhausted will all of the things that happened that Monday. That's why I thought of resting to their place. I just want him to be beside him.. hugging.. saying sweet nothings.. CUDDLE TIME! And yeah, I got it. (:

I really planned on being absent on my Tuesday shift. Even though when I told my Coach about it, he don't want me to be absent. Of course. Our attendance sucks already and aherm, they need me. LOL.

So there. I called RTA to inform them that I'll be absent on Tuesday shift but I told them that I'll try to still come. Err. I was actually thinking if I should stay or go to work. But then, I followed my heart and ta-da! I was still with my guy.

Next morning, I dunno. I loved being a bum at their place. No hassle. Just there, hanging out with him. Eating. Cooking. Watching TV. Washing the dishes. Laughing. SOOOO PERFECT. Right? I just love the feeling. I just love being with him. Argh. And hey, I love playing the computer! Hah! If I'm not playing on his pc, I was using his iPhone. Grrrr. I missed being bum. But I don't want to loose my job. Hell, that's moneyyy!

That was Wednesday. I just played around their house -- hang out with him and play until.. I was so sleepy and lethargic to go home or even go to work. Oh yeah, I was half-hearted but then, again and again, I followed my laziness. I stayed. I was about to call RTA again but... I dunno what to say anymore. I dunno. I don't want to lie. Yeah, you'll get use to it whenever you do it but I don't really want to lie. That's why most of the time, I just stay silent. And there, I was about to call but I hung up the phone and did not bother calling anymore. Stupid right? And I think the RTA won't allow me to be absent for the second time. Hah! I'm their backup anyways. So, they are one of the people who needs me. Heh!

I was able to persuade him to let me stay at their place even though I know that he don't like me to stay. He said that he don't want me not going to work because of him. But really, yeah, he was a big part of it. But then, it's my choice. I just don't feel like going at home or to work. Err, let's say that I'm slowly getting tired of work. Same shit. Pffft.

So, I was absent for two shifts -- Tuesday and Wednesday. I'm not calling or telling anyone where am I. Even my friends don't know where am I. No one's asking anyway. I'm not going at home either. Lazyyyy. Dunno. I don't have much amor on going at home. Even when I was still in school. Maybe because... there's so much problem with so many of us at home. And I'm darn tired about the drama. T__T

So, come Thursday morning, I think, Mom started texting and looking for me. Of course, I'm not at home. Yeah, we don't see each other that much at home but she do knows if I was at home or not. Hmm, because I don't know what to reply, I did not. :( And I know, that was sooo stubborn. ARGH.

Last night, Thursday night, I am planning to go home already. But, I don't know what to say to the people waiting for me. I also don't feel well. I was quite dizzy that time. I don't know if I'm hungry or because, I was awake for so long. Grr. Please blame the Flo Avenue and not me. Darn pc games. I hate how I love to play it. GRRRRRRRR.

.. because I feel shy already staying at my beau's place, I planned on going home already. I was dizzy and all but I tried to dress up and just had quick naps while doing such. But then, I was really dizzy that there I go again to his bed, sleeping. I just remember waking up because he was removing my sandals already and changing my clothes.

I woke up around four this morning. Read my mom's text messages and saw that even my coach was trying to call me. I don't know what to reply to my mom's plead, that's why I did not bother again to reply. DAMN. I hate not knowing what to do. I hate that I don't want to lie but I need to. I hate how I cannot think of a good alibi why I cannot be reach for 3 fucking days.. hey, it's the 4th day already. FUCK.

I so hate myself. Argh. I just want to burst like a bubble and then, disappear. That would be great. (: But.. what will I do so that I'll be a bubble? Eh I'm a human. DAMN. DAMN. DAMN.

Help me think. HELP.

Oh yeah, I thought of calling my dear trusted friends. But luckily (sarcastic), there phones are unreachable. Whenever I call Roz, it pops up a message that call is being rejected. I guess she did something with her call divert. And, Abhie's phone is off. Good enough. Right?

And hey, I did not try calling Yen. I know that she's at work right now and I know what prolly she'll say. That I'm so stubborn. Yeah right. T____T

Lemme think....

I'll leave his place later, around 3PM, then just truly runaway. I'll go wherever. I'll throw my sim card so that no one can reach me. That would be great. I just gotta think what will happen to the people that I will leave behind. Am I that selfish? Argh.

Thinking bout it again, yeah, I am selfish. Hmm.. I'll think about it later.

I just really wish that I'll just die or just be a bubble. Hah! I'm still desperately thinking about being a bubble. Psh. Bullshit.


















*thinking.........