Feelings.

12AM

I don't know what I should feel as of the moment. Yeah, I still don't know. I don't know how to react to the things that is happening to us.

I never expected that you'd say yes to me when I asked my freedom from you. Maybe you said yes because you're hoping that this is what I only want and that you can surpass the challenge that I am giving you. Or maybe, that's what you think of being fair to me. When you agreed to my conditions, I don't know if I should be happy or what. Should I be happy because I can enjoy my singleness? Or should I not be because I don't want my freedom? What I really want is for our relationship to be fix. I know it is not that broken. We just had a misunderstanding or such. I just felt that maybe, that would be the right decision for both of us so that you will understand how I feel.

I was thinking, maybe you are taking me for granted because I gave myself to you easily. Maybe, you're already overconfident about us. You're so comfortable that you won't be losing me unless, we'll have our junior in the early stage of our relationship. That's the only reason that I am telling you whenever we talk about leaving each other, right? So maybe, you're not thinking of other factors that might push me from leaving.

I feel like I'm draining already. I feel like you're challenging my love for you. Do you want me to be tired of this maze that we have? But you told me you don't want that to happen, right? *sigh* I wish you really don't want that.

Baby, please, don't take me for granted. That's the thing that I hated the most. I don't want to be put aside even though I'm already doing my best. I know you don't mean it. I know you don't want to hurt me. But you're hurting me for not doing anything. I wanna feel special.. by you. I can actually feel that at times, but when I needed that the most? I can't feel it.

I can see the efforts and the things you've done for me. But I'm just craving for more.. especially for this critical moment. Slowly, our connection will be lessen. Secure my feelings, please? I'm very afraid to get hurt and I know you don't want to do that. I know that you know how it feels like to be hurt by someone you love that's why I trusted my heart to you. So please, don't disappoint me. I will always be ready to give my heart, myself, to you. But maybe this time, you really need to earn it. So that you'll be very careful now.

Remember what you said earlier? "Iniingatan pa naman kita tapos ako din pala makakasakit sa'yo." That hurts, big time. I just hope that you do understand why I did what I did.

I'll be waiting for you to appreciate me more. I won't be entertaining any other guys even though we are back to basics. I trust you.. so much. So please, make me feel that you deserve my love and trust again.

I love you. I really really do. Even though I can't say it as of the moment. If you only know how hard for me not to say that to you.

Hey, you know what? During our phone convo, while you were singing to me the Far Away song, I just wanted to touch your face then. I wanted to erase the sadness in your face. I really want to tell you that I still love you and that it is hard for me to do this but I just can't.. for I know it will do no good for us. If only you can see me. This is hard for me also baby, but I'm doing this for us. Please try to understand.