TMI: Lay Bare

I want to try this! Argh. But I'm.. scared?

My workmates and I will be going to Batangas this coming Saturday to go for a swim! I'm excited.. even thought it's a beach that we'll be going to. I'm not a fan of beaches, you know. I'd rather be on a pool. Maybe because I'm not a good swimmer, I only know the basics!, and maybe because there aren't much of good memories when you go to beaches. I experienced having sands all over my swimsuit whenever we go to the beach. Or, I will accidentally step into something sharp. Those are the usual thinking that I have whenever we'll talk about beaches. And you can't really blame me coz I experience it. But this coming Saturday, I'm willing to give the beach another chance. :)

I'm really excited to go and swim.. and because R will gonna join us! :) I don't feel like being there without him. Luckily, he asked his parents yesterday and they agreed. YAY! Luckily as well, the dress that I bought at Chillcat is the right outfit for the event. Here it is..

Nice, right? But it's kinda big for me. I need to alter it. But it's definitely super nice!! ^^

I already have a two-piece, but I wanna use the new one! Unfortunately, I can't find the undies. Those were given to me by my aunt but the undies wasn't included. I'm not sure if it wasn't really included or someone took it. =| I think someone took it! Because it still has price tag and my name on it. Hell. :( So, I'm thinking of buying undies for that swimwear instead. =( Oh well, I need to buy a pair that matches what I have as well. I hate it! :(

Third problem, I want to have bikini wax and UA wax! =) I just bought the latest Cosmo mag and it includes free bikini wax from lay bare. But I'm thinking of Brazilian instead. I haven't really tried it yet.. to any waxing salon. Last year, I tried to shave it (hehehe! I just had my period and it was super itchy!!!) and R was so happy about it. I think he got horny. LOL I just got curious, y'know. But after that, I don't wanna do it again coz when the hair was growing again, it was hella itchy! ~X( Still, I wanna try this one. Since it will be in a waxing salon, they're experts. But I still need to wait for my period to end and they said that I should have the waxing session 3 days before I hit the beach.

Calculating....

I got my period last Wednesday, it stopped yesterday, but this morning, I got "pahabol" period. I just need to cross my finger so that it will stop by tomorrow and I can get the wax on Wednesday. Wish me luck! I hope I got the courage to do this. I really want to! Please....

And I'm thinking to surprise R about it. :") Rawr.

Another night to morning with you :x

Good Morning! Oh yeah, I really had a good night sleep! But was it really a night sleep? It was like a nap only. Haha! Anyhoo, as I said on my previous blab, we woke up late at night and then watched A Very Long Engagement. After that.. CUDDLE! I sooo love cuddling! Not only the cuddle part but more about the hugging and talking. Haha! It was quite messy last night, anyhoo. :)) There was sooo many things that happened that I hope I can write here but it will be TMI. But I really love it! Especially the.. ARGH! No spilling of explicit information! Hahahahaha! I rather stop now before I kept on telling you what happened last night. LOL

Actually, after the deed, we were alive and kicking that I went online and blab like 3 posts? And he was reading. Once I was done with the posts, tagged! I was the one reading and he's the one online. But after that, we went back to bed and more cuddle! It's more of the cuddle that we were talking to each other and playing around. We were just teasing each other, talking about stuffs until we got sleepy. I was actually planning to tease him more when I got really sleepy, and he did too by around 5AM, I guess?

Once we woke up by the sound of my alarm, we walked around to buy pandesal. After that, we decided to eat breakfast at Jollibee. It was fun and nice having to wake up beside him and eat breakfast with him. You know the feeling that you're just so contented with your life? You're so happy that he's just there beside you. I remember saying to him that I wish he's always there beside me whenever I woke up and whenever I go to sleep. But I don't wanna get married yet! Haha! Even though mom and her husband kept on asking if we're getting married already since we're almost living together. Sheesh! We just wanna abuse the time together, you know? We just wanna be with each other as long as time permitted. Especially know that school will resume this week. He'll be busy as hell again! I do understand but of course, I'm still worrying our time together. But I'll be thinking what he'll be telling me.. that he always make it a point that we don't lose time for each other. Isn't it just sweet? Oh boyfriend, I really love you so much! :x

Idk. I'm full of love right now. Was it because I woke up with you by my side? With you having that big smile on your face once you turn on the lights? Hahaha! I'm really happy and so contented right now. :)

I wonder if you'll be dropping my place more often than before. Is that what will happen this year? Last year was more of me going to your place. Will our weekends consists of you staying here on Saturdays and you leaving Sunday morning? It'll be fine with me as long as you're with me. I know there will be lot of restrictions but isn't it more challenging? Haha! I wonder why our love lasts this long. There are times that I just can't believe it. I feel proud that I can lasts this long with a guy.. especially you. Maybe because it's what I really want, what do you think?

Moving on, Mom was happy with the cake and was thankful. We really need to work on Mom, you know? Like I want to gain her trust that you and me will be together forever and she'll be fine with that. Know that? I know you're fine with her but I want her to feel the calmness that nothing will happen bad as long as I'm with you.

Hey, I'm thinking of saying something to you. Idk if I mentioned it to you already but anyway, I'm still not sure if I'm gonna say it to you because you may not want to come over again our place. Her husband kept on saying that we should get married already if we're living together. He don't believe that nothing's happening to us whenever you do sleepover here. Mom do trust me, us, but since he keeps on saying things, she can't stop herself to think about it. I know we should just stop the setup that we have to ease their feelings but, it's just the same if I stay there, right? Isn't more assuring if I'm here at our place? They can see what we're doing and stuffs. I'm not sure when will I say it to you.. I don't want you to stop going here. :s

A Very Long Engagement

It's really a nice movie. Something about hoping and trusting in your instincts. It's funny and cute how she say things that if this will happen, my wish will happen. It makes your hopes high, isn't it?

And yeah, I really waited for boyfriend to come over and have the time to watch it before I watch it. I promised myself that I'll be watching it with him and it was worthy. :) I wonder how many movies will we watch together. I hope... a lot! We're not that into watching movies.. like how his sisters are addicted to. But I hope that this year, we'll be more of movie buffs! Just thinking about it, I remember that The Gulliver's Travel 3D will be showing next week already. I wanna watch it! But.. we need to save for our Star City date next week as well. Hmmm..

Hey, got a trivia for you. Know what? I never been to Star City! Just like I always said, I'm an Enchanted Kingdom baby.. and not Star City! I've been to the former Boom na Boom as well but really not Star City.. even though it's nearer. I don't know. Maybe because of it's open hours? It usually opens on an afternoon til midnight. Unlike EK that opens as early as 10am.

Anyhoo, back to A Very Long Engagement, will I really feel that? That kind of feeling that you do know in your heart if your partner is still alive or not? That if he died, you'll know as well? Maybe it's the connection between you two. I don't know, but maybe I'll feel that as well. Why am I into romantics, lately? Haha! The book that I'm reading, "Around the World in 80 Dates" is about love as well. It's about a girl looking for her soul mate. And due to this, I'm wondering as well. Did I find my soul mate already? Is it my beloved boyfriend? I bet so. I really feel that he's "The One". They said that you'll feel it as well. That there's this connection between you two that you can't hide. That you have the same body language and you two tends to finish each sentences. I don't know if we both have that kind of thing. But I really feel that he's "The One". Please let him be?

Hahaha! I'm becoming such a romantic again.. revolving my world about love. Isn't it just wonderful?

P.S. If you're reading this boyfriend, or if in case you stumble upon this blog of mine again, please always remember that I love you. I really do. :) Kiss me once your done reading this, okay? Just to let me know that you read it. Haha! I'm just wondering when will that be. :)

Mamang and Papang

My Rich Cousin C. His dad just PMed me in Facebook asking if his son is already here. FYI, his son is here in the Phil since.. I can't remember. But he's on a vacation here. He wants his son to experience life here since they've been living in Canada for a long time already. But hell, all he did was go to places.. and I'm very envious! I hope I can travel like him. I hope I have a lot of money for that!

He's here now, in the Metro, but he was from Visayas.. probably with Mamang and Papang. I hope I was there too! I missed them! :( They were really not my relative but since I got to know them 2-3 summers ago, I became to love them. They're such a lovable couple! And I got to know them because it was their golden anniversary. Amazing, right?

Papang do have Alzheimer's disease. He tends to forget things already and there are times that he cannot remember Mamang but Mamang still takes care of him. You can really see that she do love Papang. And whenever Papang remembers Mamang, you can see how he love her too.

I want that kind of love. I hope I'll have that kind of love. It'll grow until I'm old already and it won't be a hindrance with the love that we have that is so great.

I hope that would be me and boyfriend. =)

Sweet Nothings

R: bebebs ko walang iwanan ahh
L: opo. :x
pag ikaw, iniwan mo ko, ano gagawin ko sayo!?!?
R: sampalin mo ako
L: sampal lang??
R: para matauhan ako
pabugbog mo ko
kasi naging tanga ako para iwanan ka

OH YEAH! =D

Hot all over

Oh yeah, I'm done. It's all your fault, boyfriend. Why did you make me miss you that much? And why do I do? Didn't we see each other last Saturday? Or, yeah, it was only yesterday that you went home. But why do I feel this way?

So hot all over. I can't stop myself from thinking about you. It's because of that chat at Y!M. I wasn't able to help myself out. I ended up, you know what. Haha! I wonder what you did. Are you thinking of me? Are you imagining me? I wish you are.

I can't wait to see you tomorrow, baby. I love you! :x

NO to pregnancy!

I still can't remove it from my mind.. that's why I thought about blogging it. I wanna get married, I wanna get pregnant, I wanna have a boy and a girl and a husband.. but not NOW. Idk why I'm thinking about this stuffs but I'm really really really scared right now. Is it because we did not use condom last night? LOL But seriously, I'm really scared.

There's a lot of things that I wanna do with you. There's a lot of places that I wanna go with you, as a couple - boyfriend-girlfriend stuff. I don't wanna deal with problems about our own family stuff yet. I wanna mind about buying things I want for myself, or things I want to buy for you... like your Spalding basketball ball, helicopter with remote that costs 2k and the NERF gun that costs what? 3,5k. I don't want to think yet about how to budget money for milk, diapers and such. I want to mind my budget for out-of-town trips and cool girl stuffs. I still wanna buy toys that I want as a kid, and not toys for MY kids.

These are the things that are just going on my mind right now. And yeah, WTF? Sheeessh. Bye now!

Noche Buena.. where?

I was too tired yesterday, December 24, after our date. But it was fun! You had your first time experience at Don Juan, isn't it nice? :) And then, more eating for us! Hahaha! I'm sorry if I was irritated. It's just that, you don't want to ask if there's a fee for the wrapping at Toy Kingdom! :( But it was worthy, I had a gooood experience awhile ago. Hahahaha! Muntik na talaga ko maka-top score! LMAO.

Garabe. I'm really soo sad this Noche Buena. Feels like, it was not Noche Buena at all. There's no food. They did not cook the spaghetti that I was asking you to cook but you can't since it will be your first time to cook that. Hahaha! And then, there's only salad on lola's place. :( I really felt that I should have come with you.. I should have spent my Christmas again with you and your family. I'm sure I'll be enjoying it more like last year's. *sigh*

I'm not keeping my hopes down. I'm still hoping that today, Christmas, I'll be enjoying it. Time to give gifts later! I'm excited! =D

Looooong weekend!

It's my second Friday to be on leave.. again! :) Last Friday, I was on leave. And this Friday, I'm on leave again. Loooooong weekends! :) If I only we don't have work again on Monday because it's holiday, that would be super long weekend! Anyhoo, next September 6, we don't have work. So, another long weekend! Hahaha! And hey, it's Saturday already. Just spending some time here at Laguna again. Lalalalalove.

Just wanna update you though. My boyfriend and I are still together. He's out right now. Buying lugaw with egg for me! So lethargic today. But we'll be going out in awhile as well. Once his sister arrive. We're going to watch Step Up 3D at MOA!

There. Just nonsense blabbering. Hahahahaha!

I'm full!!

I just ate palabok and muffin and darn, I'm so full! And it's also because I just ate rice awhile ago.. around 6 in the morning. Then after that, I slept at work. Hahaha!

It's really nice to have my grandma at home. She always takes care of me.. and all of us! She always prepare food for me. Whenever I ask for food, with just a moment, there will be food already. Don't you just love that?? Oh grandma.. I really don't know if I can last a lifetime without you. You should wait first for the daughters of my siblings before you die. Okay?

Shocks. Now I remember my great grandma. :( She told me that she'll wait for me to graduate in high school and college but she was not able to. :( She's the only person who knows that I want to be a teacher someday.. and she really support me for my dream. Argh. I'm getting teary eye already. I miss you Great grandma! :'(

Moving on.. I'm talking about being full because..... of the food that I just ate! Hahaha! No, seriously, it's more on what I feel inside -- emotionally.

As of now, I feel overwhelmed and full of love. <3 Actually, mi boyfriend and I had a fight yesterday. Or let's say, it's one of my art-e days. I was just feeling blue and so sensitive during that time that I feel like I crave for so much attention.

We were just having our usual talks over the phone.. and then I got irritated. Then I started to talk about me leaving him. Of course he's use to it. I don't actually know if he's still being scared whenever I talk about it. Or if he believes that I will or I might do that someday. I only have a vague idea as of now.. really. And then, I asked on what will he do if I suddenly won't reply to his messages anymore or if I won't be answering his calls. Then he said that he will look for me.. bother me and all so that I will reply or he can talk to me.

And then, being the playful me, wanting for some attention, suddenly said that I don't want him anymore and I started not replying. Haha. BUT... looks like he doesn't care that much. HE JUST SLEPTTTTTTTTTT!!!!! I so hate him that time. I feel like I was not love. :( How can he sleep with us not okay? :( On second thought, he might be uber tired because of his jogging activity that morning. But still.. I did not thought about that yesterday! Bwahaha.

So, being the maart-e me, I was being such a spoiled brat to her. I even cried. T__T I don't know. He can easily make me cry. He's that type. Grrrr. I so love him that he can easily hurt me. :(

And then, last night.. we got to talk about things.. seriously. I told him how I miss the feeling that I am so love by him. I told him that he was not wrong.. it's just that there's something missing.. that kind of love that we had before.

I miss how he wait for me outside the office during Saturdays. How I comfortably sleep beside him even inside the bus! Haha! I just miss those moments. :( I just feel that most of the time, he's not doing much effort already. I don't want to enumerate the things that I did versus the things that he did for me. That would be bad and I am not doing those so that I can have something to tell into his face. It's just that sometimes, I feel tired already always giving and showing him how I love him. Why can't he show me he love me too? The same energy and level on how I show it to him?

And I believe.. I already made that impression to him last night. I just wish that there will be no more Saturday classes for him so that he can go to work again and wait for me to go out. I wish he'll be man enough in our relationship.. Ikaw naman bebebs! Hihi.

I love you still. I really really do. I won't give up on you. Just promise me that everything will be fine and that you'll always stay with me even if the world will fall apart. Will you?

Runaway.

Last Monday was my birthday.. Happy 21st birthday to me! Binata na ko. LOL. But then, after my said birthday, it doesn't seem like I'm old enough. I went back to being a child again running away from home.

Oh well, it's my kind of game. Just when I want to runaway, I will. Just when I want to hide, I will go far away from home. Wherever. But what happened after my birthday is not really running away from home. I just wanna be with him. I just feel like celebrating my day with him. Just that. Oh yeah, he was with me during my birthday. We went to the cemetery together with my family and then, we swam with my cousins. After that, time for me to go to work. I don't really like going to work. I feel like I'm still "bitin" with the time that I was with him. Argh. Why did I never think about filing my leave on my birthday? Stupid.

So, I went to work at 9PM even though my shift is actually at around 12AM. Then I was there until 9AM. Talk about being there for 12 hours. Hah!

So, after my shift, I still have the feeling of going to my boyfriend's place. I just feel so exhausted will all of the things that happened that Monday. That's why I thought of resting to their place. I just want him to be beside him.. hugging.. saying sweet nothings.. CUDDLE TIME! And yeah, I got it. (:

I really planned on being absent on my Tuesday shift. Even though when I told my Coach about it, he don't want me to be absent. Of course. Our attendance sucks already and aherm, they need me. LOL.

So there. I called RTA to inform them that I'll be absent on Tuesday shift but I told them that I'll try to still come. Err. I was actually thinking if I should stay or go to work. But then, I followed my heart and ta-da! I was still with my guy.

Next morning, I dunno. I loved being a bum at their place. No hassle. Just there, hanging out with him. Eating. Cooking. Watching TV. Washing the dishes. Laughing. SOOOO PERFECT. Right? I just love the feeling. I just love being with him. Argh. And hey, I love playing the computer! Hah! If I'm not playing on his pc, I was using his iPhone. Grrrr. I missed being bum. But I don't want to loose my job. Hell, that's moneyyy!

That was Wednesday. I just played around their house -- hang out with him and play until.. I was so sleepy and lethargic to go home or even go to work. Oh yeah, I was half-hearted but then, again and again, I followed my laziness. I stayed. I was about to call RTA again but... I dunno what to say anymore. I dunno. I don't want to lie. Yeah, you'll get use to it whenever you do it but I don't really want to lie. That's why most of the time, I just stay silent. And there, I was about to call but I hung up the phone and did not bother calling anymore. Stupid right? And I think the RTA won't allow me to be absent for the second time. Hah! I'm their backup anyways. So, they are one of the people who needs me. Heh!

I was able to persuade him to let me stay at their place even though I know that he don't like me to stay. He said that he don't want me not going to work because of him. But really, yeah, he was a big part of it. But then, it's my choice. I just don't feel like going at home or to work. Err, let's say that I'm slowly getting tired of work. Same shit. Pffft.

So, I was absent for two shifts -- Tuesday and Wednesday. I'm not calling or telling anyone where am I. Even my friends don't know where am I. No one's asking anyway. I'm not going at home either. Lazyyyy. Dunno. I don't have much amor on going at home. Even when I was still in school. Maybe because... there's so much problem with so many of us at home. And I'm darn tired about the drama. T__T

So, come Thursday morning, I think, Mom started texting and looking for me. Of course, I'm not at home. Yeah, we don't see each other that much at home but she do knows if I was at home or not. Hmm, because I don't know what to reply, I did not. :( And I know, that was sooo stubborn. ARGH.

Last night, Thursday night, I am planning to go home already. But, I don't know what to say to the people waiting for me. I also don't feel well. I was quite dizzy that time. I don't know if I'm hungry or because, I was awake for so long. Grr. Please blame the Flo Avenue and not me. Darn pc games. I hate how I love to play it. GRRRRRRRR.

.. because I feel shy already staying at my beau's place, I planned on going home already. I was dizzy and all but I tried to dress up and just had quick naps while doing such. But then, I was really dizzy that there I go again to his bed, sleeping. I just remember waking up because he was removing my sandals already and changing my clothes.

I woke up around four this morning. Read my mom's text messages and saw that even my coach was trying to call me. I don't know what to reply to my mom's plead, that's why I did not bother again to reply. DAMN. I hate not knowing what to do. I hate that I don't want to lie but I need to. I hate how I cannot think of a good alibi why I cannot be reach for 3 fucking days.. hey, it's the 4th day already. FUCK.

I so hate myself. Argh. I just want to burst like a bubble and then, disappear. That would be great. (: But.. what will I do so that I'll be a bubble? Eh I'm a human. DAMN. DAMN. DAMN.

Help me think. HELP.

Oh yeah, I thought of calling my dear trusted friends. But luckily (sarcastic), there phones are unreachable. Whenever I call Roz, it pops up a message that call is being rejected. I guess she did something with her call divert. And, Abhie's phone is off. Good enough. Right?

And hey, I did not try calling Yen. I know that she's at work right now and I know what prolly she'll say. That I'm so stubborn. Yeah right. T____T

Lemme think....

I'll leave his place later, around 3PM, then just truly runaway. I'll go wherever. I'll throw my sim card so that no one can reach me. That would be great. I just gotta think what will happen to the people that I will leave behind. Am I that selfish? Argh.

Thinking bout it again, yeah, I am selfish. Hmm.. I'll think about it later.

I just really wish that I'll just die or just be a bubble. Hah! I'm still desperately thinking about being a bubble. Psh. Bullshit.


















*thinking.........

Birthday! Birthday!

Long time no see, my dear blogspot! Hahaha! Isn't it nice? Usually, I only write to you whenever I feel bad about my relationship with my dear hubby. Hahaha! At least now, we don't have any fight or misunderstanding. I just want to keep you updated. It's been like... 3 months already. Gosh!

So, as of now, Rai and I are already on our 10th month. Two months to go and... TA-DAHHH! One year na kami! Yayyy! This is also his month, by the way. 'Twas his birthday last October 2 and I believe he's happy with his birthday for this year. Here goes the reason..

Last October 1, he was uber sad because we won't be seeing each other on his birthday. We already planned that he'll be going to my place and then we'll go on a date. I told him I don't have money anymore therefore, he needs to go to my place to pick me up. Haha! Really, I don't have much money but I do have my budget for my surprise for him. (: Actually, I've been planning to go to his place on his birthday. I'm planning to surprise him.. and I was thinking on how to. I was thinking that I'll wait for him to come home and prepare food for him. I was also planning on making a banner on

Twisted.

Maybe it's just my period. Or maybe there's something else. Err. I don't know. I'm not in the mood. Or let's say, I'm in such a very moody state right now. I feel like I'm such a crazy biatch. Hahaha! I want attention... but I don't want anybody to care about me. Hell, right? Damn stupid and hard to understand too. X___x

On Saturday, it will be our 8th monthsary. I don't know what will happen. I won't expect. Promise, I'll try my very best not to expect anything from him. Errrr. Good luck with me.

If I can only be honest at this time, my hopes are high. I'm very much hoping that our 8th monthsary would be a nice monthsary. We do know our 7th was not that good, right? That's why I'm scared to expect anything. Butttt.. I do know. Let's say, I'm really that hopeless chick who will always hope that someday, I will feel that I'm the girl that needs to be pleased. I dunno. Random stuffs going on my mind. I feel... nothing.

What will really happen? Sometimes, I want something new to happen. Sometimes, I'm tired of all this setup. I just want to be free. Free from every hassle schedule that we have. I just want to have that day that I won't be worrying for the next hours. Tara, roadtrip tayo! Ahaha. :) But I know it's impossible. :(

I just need him right now... badly. ='(

Excerpt from my text convo with my dear sweetcheeks...


ME: Why do I always get disappointed by my situation with Rai if it's our fucking monthsary? ='( Nakakawalang gana. Amf.

Sweetcheeks: What happened?

ME: Wala lang. Sabi niya, magkikita kami ng tuesday. Namove ng thursday. Tapos ngayon, saturday na lang daw. Fuck. Ayoko na. Taena.

Sweetcheeks: Baka busy?

ME: Uunga. Studies. At nakakairita ung feeling na wala kang laban at wala kang magawa. Taena. Studies un e. Alangan naman sabihin mo, wak na siya pumunta dun sa company study nila. Haayy..

Sweetcheeks: Eh un naman pala sweetcheeks. Di ba? Intindihin mo na lang. Kasi important talaga un.

ME: Nakakadisappoint lang.. Uu, gets ko, studies un e. Pero wala lang.. Minsan, gusto kong maging selfish.. I just need him right now.. badly. ='( And it's not just because it's our monthsary.. Haayy.. Everything around me just fucked up. Tapos, parang siya na lang pinanghahawakan ko, wala pa.. Nakakadisappoint. I just feel so alone. ='( Even though I know I got you guys, iba syempre pag si Rai.. Haayyy...

Make me feel better. =(

Haaayyy... It's our 7th monthsary today. But guess what? It's not a good day again. Nothing happened that made my day good. I think, just the same with our 6th. Is this what will always happen to our monthsary? If that's the case, I won't be looking forward to the 15th of every month. =(

You know how I hate not having to see you every week. It's very hard for me to ease the loneliness of not being with you. Yeah, I got to talk to you but it's always different to have you beside me, laughing with me, singing for me, or just bum around with me. I always want you around me even though I know it's very impossible for us. That's why I only ask one day for every week from you. But we do know that sometimes, it just can't happen. But for this special day? I can't be with you? It sucks.. BIG TIME. I HATE IT. ='(

*sigh* I don't want to blog anymore. I can't blog what I really feel inside. Words are just ain't enough for all the emotions that I am feeling right now -- hurting, disappointed, very much loneliness, emptiness, lost and every little word that you can associated with sadness or bad feeling. =( I just want to cry.. badly.



I feel the tiredness again. =( Everything's fucked up with my life. Even the only thing I am just holding into.... you. T____T

Who want CHANGES?

July just started and the month of June just passed. But obviously, in my life, there are a lot of changes that has been happening. I don't know if I successfully adapted with the situation but I believe that I'm not yet done and over it. I just can't cope with changes that easily. DANG.

Let me just rant all about it...

Lola went to GA

First stop was actually last May --a few days before the end of that specific month. My lola flew to Georgia and she will be staying there for six months. Yeah, luckily, not for good. I really can't imagine my life before without my beloved lola. She's like my Mom to me. She takes care of me a lot especially about my food. My mom can sleep without checking if I ate 3 times a day while my lola will always bug and ask me if I already eat. Hahaha!

I have been independent to her for so long.. like since birth because my mom is working. So I really cried and was super worried when she left us to go to Georgia. :(

But of course, I'm happy that she experienced being with Tito Ric's family. :)



Rai's parents arrived from MD

Oh yeah, gone are the days when I can just go to his place whenever I want.. or mostly, every weekends. It's like my weekend getaway to be at their place and just spending the night with him. Not the day because I'm just sleeping during the day after work. Haha! And yeah, we don't get to see that much often now. Talk about weekends as OFTEN. Psh.

But of course, I'm happy that his parents arrived because I know that he definitely missed them.. especially during special occasions.


My uncle arrived from Puerto Galera

My boyfriend and I's resort for the not-seeing-each-other-days would be by ALWAYS talking over the phone. Yeah, it's already a "session" that we talk whenever I arrive from work (that's during the morning when he don't have school yet) and before I go to work (evenings before he sleep). But now that his parents arrive, 9PM is lights out and we can't talk for so long over the phone. Reason? Parents, of course. My mom also do that to me. It's just that, she's not always around. Bwahaha.

AND since my uncle arrived from Puerto Galera, he occupied Lola's place. Eh, my brother and I was the one occupying that because it has the sala, dining, kitchen, cr and everything already! And yeah, the phone is also there. So, since he arrived, I cannot use the phone anymore. Hah! I don't want to get hurt by him. :P And seriously, after he arrived, I was never able to step on that room. T__T

Actually, we have an extension phone upstairs and that's with my other uncle. But of course, I don't want to bother just to burn the phone lines. Such a disturbance, right?

So, Rai and I can't talk over the phone anymore as often as we want and we can't see each other as much as we would love to. =(

But of course, I'm happy that my uncle is safe because he left us and work in Puerto Galera starting November of last year and there was no communication at all. I even dreamt of him at times and the dream that I always have is his arrival. Hahaha!


Mostly, the changes that occured REALLY affected my relationship with Rai. =( After six months of getting used to the things that you are doing or having, changes is slowly taking it all away. That's why I hate changes. SUCH A HINDRANCE FOR MY HAPPINESS! X_x I know, this month of June was not an easy month for us. There was so many things that happened and I know, I gave so much drama. Hubby, sorry. =( I've been insecured about our relationship and I just can't help it. I'm trying my best to keep our relationship intact despite the distance but fate can't just get enough of giving us challenges. ARGH. I'm just thinking of what you're always saying.. this will not happen forever. Everything will go back to its places again and we will live happily ever after. YEHEYYY! Hahahaha! But seriously, thanks for staying with me. :)



And yeah, there's another change that occurred that is definitely giving me a lot of stress!

"Acting Coach" for Wave 7

I definitely would love to try being a coach but I'm just not ready yet handling new agents. I just can't stand how irrational sometimes, they can be. I would choose handling my group, two teams from Security Freeze, than handling Dispute and the newest wave that we have. ARGGGGGHHH. It's really stressful having them.

And why I was appointed there? There supposed-to-be coach is always absent. Some are already joking that she's making Sitel a part-time job e. She's just showing up like once every two weeks? COME ON. And my boss, the Operations Manager (OM), was the one who appointed me to handle that wave. Oh yeah, I was overwhelmed but... I believe I'm still adjusting, until now. T____T

And hey, awhile ago, my friend ask me on what is my current status on the floor. I told him that I really don't know. I am Line 2 aka L2, Real Time Analyst (RTA) and Siebel Assistant (for sales). All-in-one. DANG. (Salary increase! LOL.) But for now, I am the coach for Wave 7. He told me, he's a QA (Quality Analyst), that they received an e-mail that our OM is asking for an L2 for our department, Security Freeze, and there was a note there that they cannot choose me anymore for I'll be manning wave 7. I don't know if I should be happy because I don't need to handle many people but... I'd rather choose my team rather than wave 7. Hahahaha! I know favoritism, LOL, but I'm just used (gamay) with my team. X___x

I don't know what's happening. I'm just being stressed out with whatever is happening in my life. I want my life during summer... and fast forward to me being a coach. BWAHAHAHA. :P


Oh hell, whatever. This has been a very loooooooooong rant already. Hahaha! I doubt if someone reached the end of this blog. LOL.


Another thing... (Meron pa?)


I'm excited for the coming months... Hehe!

By August, his parents will go back to MD. But his Dad is not yet sure. So, I can get my happy weekends again in their house. :)

By the end of October, before my birthday!!!, Lola will go back here in PH. She told me the last time that we talked that she do have a gift for me. She's actually excited. Haha! I don't know what would that be but of course, I'm not expecting it's a laptop or something techie. My Lola won't be excited because of that. Maybe, it's a dress... something to wear! That's what can excite her. Haha! Waaaaaaaa. I wonder.. Naexcite tuloy ako. Hahahaha!

By November, Tito told us that he will go back to Puerto Galera so... the phone will be back to MY possession. BWAHAHAHAHAHA.

By December, it's my anniversary with Rai. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! =)

That's it. ENOUGH. HAHAHAHA! :P

Missed talks.

Just got off from the phone after talking to him. Awww. I miss our long talks. :( It's a nice feeling having to talk to you again over the phone. :) Refreshing. Haha!

I think I'm getting use to not having phone talks with you. But the good thing is, whenever I got the chance to have that again, I love the "missed feeling". It's like falling in love again.. over and over. Ahaha. Me ganun?!

Oh well, look how time flies. It's been a month since we have this kind of sitch. And I guess, I'm pretty adapting with our situation. I still have my down feeling but I guess, I'm learning how to handle it. Just don't blame me if I usually have those. Hey, I remember what you said yesterday, "Normal lang sa magkalayo ang magdramahan." Hahaha. Loooove it. Thanks for always understanding me. Thanks for always loving me even though it's hard for you to do that during difficult times. That's why I love you more. Hihi. :P

Oh well, now that I gave you permission to read this, I believe that this will just be my way of letting things out.. things that I can't say over the phone or I can't say as of the moment. At times, I'll just pretend that you won't be reading it. Hahahaha! Let's see on how good am I fooling myself. LOL

I remember something again! (I'm good at remembering? :P) When you told (or invited) me yesterday that you want me to come when you're going out with your family, I was overwhelmed. I felt truly special. Awww. You're so sweet. :) Just want to say that. Haha! I can't find words to explain e. I'm still overwhelm! :P

He's not in the mood. =(

Written around 10AM


Woke up in a high mood. I was about to write something lively but.. you're not in the mood. I'm affected. :( I'm not used seeing you feel so down. :( Maybe because you're my other half.. I feel whatever you feel. *sigh* I just hope that you will be okay, soon.

I want to know what's bothering you. I asked you and I believe that you're not yet in the mood to open up. I'll just wait for the time that you will tell me the real score. I know that you can't help it anyways. :) Just give me a text or ring, okay? I miss you.

*sigh* I'm still wondering what happened last night. Argh.





Oh well, I noticed something.. actually, I've noticed this before and I just need to blurt it out right now. Whenever I post something in your accounts, you're deadma noh? You're not taking notice of it. Most of the time, I feel like you don't appreciate me giving lil notes to you through your accounts. But somehow, I learned to dismiss the feeling. You're just not the type to reply to every message that I give. Even with text messages, you're not just into replying. Hehe. Right?

It would be nicer if you can reply. Just show some appreciation. Haha! But of course, I won't tell you that I really want that to happen. Ayoko nga. Bleh :P I don't know. I'm really not the type who always say what I want. If I will be doing that everytime, I will feel like you're just spoiling me that's why you're doing things that I want. Wala lang... But hey, I'm trying to open up to you about the things that hurt me or whatever I like, right? I'm trying. Ahaha. :)

Changes.. I HATE YOU.

I was pretty upset for today. It started this morning and I am still upset until now. And probably, that's the reason I haven't pack yet my things to bring for tomorrow's team building slash swimming. :(

Yesternight's shift was very tiring. I was the coach for our newest wave on the floor which is wave 7. They've been taking calls for two months already with us but they have so many issues. I don't know with them.. Hmppp! That's why my Wednesday shift was really stressful and tiring. I kept on walking around the production floor, the good thing is they did not give me any supp calls. I believe I only got 2 last night. Good thing. :)

I arrived last night at work around 10PM and I left around 8:30AM. Talk about being a dedicated coach for I cannot just leave them behind. :( After that, I went to the grocery to buy some chocolates for them later. I told them that for every sale, I will be giving them chocolate. Let's talk about boosting them to have their sales. Haha!

By 10:30AM or so, I arrived at home and ate brunch. My feet and knees are uber aching and I just want to relax or let's say, free my mind from all of the stress. So, I decided to ask my boyfriend if I can call him because I surely miss him. :( We were not able to talk that much last night because of the problem with our cellphone. X( So, he said yes to my request. I called him. We talked for a while and then it started to get noisy at his place. He was actually at the pc shop during that time while waiting for the 12noon time. I don't know what happen but I just got irritated. Maybe because I'm stressed and tired of my day and I just want to talk to him just to calm me. He's the one that can always calm me.. But then, because of the situation, I bid my goodbye and told him that I'll be sleeping already. ARGH. I hate it.

After our talk, I don't know what happened. I just noticed that I can't help my tears from falling. Fucking emo. X____x I dunno. Maybe during that time, I just need someone to talk to, to listen to, or just for me to unwind and I can find nobody. :( I can't talk to him. Fucking noise. *sigh*


"Miss ko na ung nakakausap kita lagi... Ung oras ung tinatagal ng pag-uusap natin... Ung alam na alam ko lahat ng nangyayari sa'yo... Haayy... Nababago na talaga lahat sa paraang hindi ko gusto pero wala kong magawa... I hate it. ='("

Smile for me.

I miss you. I miss seeing you smile. I miss you making me laugh so loud. I miss everything about you.

You know why I wanted to see in the webcam? Well, you're right, I miss you. And I just can't admit it but I really do. Damn this pride. Damn with my feelings. Damn childishness.

I really missed seeing you smile. Whenever we get to talk, there are more times when you are sad. There are times that I don't need to see it for I can surely feel it. And I hate the feeling. I know it's me that is making you sad. I know I'm the reason for your misery. And I just can't end it up. Sorry. ='(

I miss you. I miss us. I miss what we used to be before. I was just thinking that after this, we'll be better and grow as partners. That's where I'm getting my strength. :)