Lola cried =(

I remembered Lola's face yesterday and there's the proof actually. Lola cried after I gave her my gift even though she haven't seen it yet. She cried because I have a gift for her but she don't have for me. :( It's touching really and it's quite irritating to think of the people that making Lola suffer financially.

Recently, she paid for 11k for the bills. I promised to help her to pay the bills but lately, all I did was to buy things and treat her for lunches that doesn't matter much. Or maybe it does. I dunno. But for now, I will really try my best to treat her well when it comes to financial things. I wish I can always go to the other side of the house, but I think I'm still not in good terms with our favorite uncle that's why I'll keep it cool as of the moment. *sigh*

Oh Lola, I love you so much. I hope I can ease the burden that you're feeling, financially. I hope you'll be able to go back to Georgia again, or this time, to Canada. I want you to just enjoy your life since you're old already. I don't want you think of negative things and problems anymore. I don't want you to have that wrinkle on your forehead. I want you to just smile and be carefree.. and I wish that all of my wishes will come true before you leave us. I want you to be happy. You definitely deserve it.

On my part, I'll try my best to keep you happy - treat you to lunches, shopping and buy things you wanted for yourself. I won't get pregnant so soon as well. I want you to see my graduate even though my heart doesn't feel it yet. Wait for me, okay? Wait for me to graduate first before you leave. Please? I remember your mom. I want you to wait for me. Okay? I love you, really. <3

Noche Buena.. where?

I was too tired yesterday, December 24, after our date. But it was fun! You had your first time experience at Don Juan, isn't it nice? :) And then, more eating for us! Hahaha! I'm sorry if I was irritated. It's just that, you don't want to ask if there's a fee for the wrapping at Toy Kingdom! :( But it was worthy, I had a gooood experience awhile ago. Hahahaha! Muntik na talaga ko maka-top score! LMAO.

Garabe. I'm really soo sad this Noche Buena. Feels like, it was not Noche Buena at all. There's no food. They did not cook the spaghetti that I was asking you to cook but you can't since it will be your first time to cook that. Hahaha! And then, there's only salad on lola's place. :( I really felt that I should have come with you.. I should have spent my Christmas again with you and your family. I'm sure I'll be enjoying it more like last year's. *sigh*

I'm not keeping my hopes down. I'm still hoping that today, Christmas, I'll be enjoying it. Time to give gifts later! I'm excited! =D

I'm full!!

I just ate palabok and muffin and darn, I'm so full! And it's also because I just ate rice awhile ago.. around 6 in the morning. Then after that, I slept at work. Hahaha!

It's really nice to have my grandma at home. She always takes care of me.. and all of us! She always prepare food for me. Whenever I ask for food, with just a moment, there will be food already. Don't you just love that?? Oh grandma.. I really don't know if I can last a lifetime without you. You should wait first for the daughters of my siblings before you die. Okay?

Shocks. Now I remember my great grandma. :( She told me that she'll wait for me to graduate in high school and college but she was not able to. :( She's the only person who knows that I want to be a teacher someday.. and she really support me for my dream. Argh. I'm getting teary eye already. I miss you Great grandma! :'(

Moving on.. I'm talking about being full because..... of the food that I just ate! Hahaha! No, seriously, it's more on what I feel inside -- emotionally.

As of now, I feel overwhelmed and full of love. <3 Actually, mi boyfriend and I had a fight yesterday. Or let's say, it's one of my art-e days. I was just feeling blue and so sensitive during that time that I feel like I crave for so much attention.

We were just having our usual talks over the phone.. and then I got irritated. Then I started to talk about me leaving him. Of course he's use to it. I don't actually know if he's still being scared whenever I talk about it. Or if he believes that I will or I might do that someday. I only have a vague idea as of now.. really. And then, I asked on what will he do if I suddenly won't reply to his messages anymore or if I won't be answering his calls. Then he said that he will look for me.. bother me and all so that I will reply or he can talk to me.

And then, being the playful me, wanting for some attention, suddenly said that I don't want him anymore and I started not replying. Haha. BUT... looks like he doesn't care that much. HE JUST SLEPTTTTTTTTTT!!!!! I so hate him that time. I feel like I was not love. :( How can he sleep with us not okay? :( On second thought, he might be uber tired because of his jogging activity that morning. But still.. I did not thought about that yesterday! Bwahaha.

So, being the maart-e me, I was being such a spoiled brat to her. I even cried. T__T I don't know. He can easily make me cry. He's that type. Grrrr. I so love him that he can easily hurt me. :(

And then, last night.. we got to talk about things.. seriously. I told him how I miss the feeling that I am so love by him. I told him that he was not wrong.. it's just that there's something missing.. that kind of love that we had before.

I miss how he wait for me outside the office during Saturdays. How I comfortably sleep beside him even inside the bus! Haha! I just miss those moments. :( I just feel that most of the time, he's not doing much effort already. I don't want to enumerate the things that I did versus the things that he did for me. That would be bad and I am not doing those so that I can have something to tell into his face. It's just that sometimes, I feel tired already always giving and showing him how I love him. Why can't he show me he love me too? The same energy and level on how I show it to him?

And I believe.. I already made that impression to him last night. I just wish that there will be no more Saturday classes for him so that he can go to work again and wait for me to go out. I wish he'll be man enough in our relationship.. Ikaw naman bebebs! Hihi.

I love you still. I really really do. I won't give up on you. Just promise me that everything will be fine and that you'll always stay with me even if the world will fall apart. Will you?

Runaway.

Last Monday was my birthday.. Happy 21st birthday to me! Binata na ko. LOL. But then, after my said birthday, it doesn't seem like I'm old enough. I went back to being a child again running away from home.

Oh well, it's my kind of game. Just when I want to runaway, I will. Just when I want to hide, I will go far away from home. Wherever. But what happened after my birthday is not really running away from home. I just wanna be with him. I just feel like celebrating my day with him. Just that. Oh yeah, he was with me during my birthday. We went to the cemetery together with my family and then, we swam with my cousins. After that, time for me to go to work. I don't really like going to work. I feel like I'm still "bitin" with the time that I was with him. Argh. Why did I never think about filing my leave on my birthday? Stupid.

So, I went to work at 9PM even though my shift is actually at around 12AM. Then I was there until 9AM. Talk about being there for 12 hours. Hah!

So, after my shift, I still have the feeling of going to my boyfriend's place. I just feel so exhausted will all of the things that happened that Monday. That's why I thought of resting to their place. I just want him to be beside him.. hugging.. saying sweet nothings.. CUDDLE TIME! And yeah, I got it. (:

I really planned on being absent on my Tuesday shift. Even though when I told my Coach about it, he don't want me to be absent. Of course. Our attendance sucks already and aherm, they need me. LOL.

So there. I called RTA to inform them that I'll be absent on Tuesday shift but I told them that I'll try to still come. Err. I was actually thinking if I should stay or go to work. But then, I followed my heart and ta-da! I was still with my guy.

Next morning, I dunno. I loved being a bum at their place. No hassle. Just there, hanging out with him. Eating. Cooking. Watching TV. Washing the dishes. Laughing. SOOOO PERFECT. Right? I just love the feeling. I just love being with him. Argh. And hey, I love playing the computer! Hah! If I'm not playing on his pc, I was using his iPhone. Grrrr. I missed being bum. But I don't want to loose my job. Hell, that's moneyyy!

That was Wednesday. I just played around their house -- hang out with him and play until.. I was so sleepy and lethargic to go home or even go to work. Oh yeah, I was half-hearted but then, again and again, I followed my laziness. I stayed. I was about to call RTA again but... I dunno what to say anymore. I dunno. I don't want to lie. Yeah, you'll get use to it whenever you do it but I don't really want to lie. That's why most of the time, I just stay silent. And there, I was about to call but I hung up the phone and did not bother calling anymore. Stupid right? And I think the RTA won't allow me to be absent for the second time. Hah! I'm their backup anyways. So, they are one of the people who needs me. Heh!

I was able to persuade him to let me stay at their place even though I know that he don't like me to stay. He said that he don't want me not going to work because of him. But really, yeah, he was a big part of it. But then, it's my choice. I just don't feel like going at home or to work. Err, let's say that I'm slowly getting tired of work. Same shit. Pffft.

So, I was absent for two shifts -- Tuesday and Wednesday. I'm not calling or telling anyone where am I. Even my friends don't know where am I. No one's asking anyway. I'm not going at home either. Lazyyyy. Dunno. I don't have much amor on going at home. Even when I was still in school. Maybe because... there's so much problem with so many of us at home. And I'm darn tired about the drama. T__T

So, come Thursday morning, I think, Mom started texting and looking for me. Of course, I'm not at home. Yeah, we don't see each other that much at home but she do knows if I was at home or not. Hmm, because I don't know what to reply, I did not. :( And I know, that was sooo stubborn. ARGH.

Last night, Thursday night, I am planning to go home already. But, I don't know what to say to the people waiting for me. I also don't feel well. I was quite dizzy that time. I don't know if I'm hungry or because, I was awake for so long. Grr. Please blame the Flo Avenue and not me. Darn pc games. I hate how I love to play it. GRRRRRRRR.

.. because I feel shy already staying at my beau's place, I planned on going home already. I was dizzy and all but I tried to dress up and just had quick naps while doing such. But then, I was really dizzy that there I go again to his bed, sleeping. I just remember waking up because he was removing my sandals already and changing my clothes.

I woke up around four this morning. Read my mom's text messages and saw that even my coach was trying to call me. I don't know what to reply to my mom's plead, that's why I did not bother again to reply. DAMN. I hate not knowing what to do. I hate that I don't want to lie but I need to. I hate how I cannot think of a good alibi why I cannot be reach for 3 fucking days.. hey, it's the 4th day already. FUCK.

I so hate myself. Argh. I just want to burst like a bubble and then, disappear. That would be great. (: But.. what will I do so that I'll be a bubble? Eh I'm a human. DAMN. DAMN. DAMN.

Help me think. HELP.

Oh yeah, I thought of calling my dear trusted friends. But luckily (sarcastic), there phones are unreachable. Whenever I call Roz, it pops up a message that call is being rejected. I guess she did something with her call divert. And, Abhie's phone is off. Good enough. Right?

And hey, I did not try calling Yen. I know that she's at work right now and I know what prolly she'll say. That I'm so stubborn. Yeah right. T____T

Lemme think....

I'll leave his place later, around 3PM, then just truly runaway. I'll go wherever. I'll throw my sim card so that no one can reach me. That would be great. I just gotta think what will happen to the people that I will leave behind. Am I that selfish? Argh.

Thinking bout it again, yeah, I am selfish. Hmm.. I'll think about it later.

I just really wish that I'll just die or just be a bubble. Hah! I'm still desperately thinking about being a bubble. Psh. Bullshit.


















*thinking.........

Lola's Back! (:

After 6 months of her stay at Georgia, my lola's back! Weeeee

Who want CHANGES?

July just started and the month of June just passed. But obviously, in my life, there are a lot of changes that has been happening. I don't know if I successfully adapted with the situation but I believe that I'm not yet done and over it. I just can't cope with changes that easily. DANG.

Let me just rant all about it...

Lola went to GA

First stop was actually last May --a few days before the end of that specific month. My lola flew to Georgia and she will be staying there for six months. Yeah, luckily, not for good. I really can't imagine my life before without my beloved lola. She's like my Mom to me. She takes care of me a lot especially about my food. My mom can sleep without checking if I ate 3 times a day while my lola will always bug and ask me if I already eat. Hahaha!

I have been independent to her for so long.. like since birth because my mom is working. So I really cried and was super worried when she left us to go to Georgia. :(

But of course, I'm happy that she experienced being with Tito Ric's family. :)



Rai's parents arrived from MD

Oh yeah, gone are the days when I can just go to his place whenever I want.. or mostly, every weekends. It's like my weekend getaway to be at their place and just spending the night with him. Not the day because I'm just sleeping during the day after work. Haha! And yeah, we don't get to see that much often now. Talk about weekends as OFTEN. Psh.

But of course, I'm happy that his parents arrived because I know that he definitely missed them.. especially during special occasions.


My uncle arrived from Puerto Galera

My boyfriend and I's resort for the not-seeing-each-other-days would be by ALWAYS talking over the phone. Yeah, it's already a "session" that we talk whenever I arrive from work (that's during the morning when he don't have school yet) and before I go to work (evenings before he sleep). But now that his parents arrive, 9PM is lights out and we can't talk for so long over the phone. Reason? Parents, of course. My mom also do that to me. It's just that, she's not always around. Bwahaha.

AND since my uncle arrived from Puerto Galera, he occupied Lola's place. Eh, my brother and I was the one occupying that because it has the sala, dining, kitchen, cr and everything already! And yeah, the phone is also there. So, since he arrived, I cannot use the phone anymore. Hah! I don't want to get hurt by him. :P And seriously, after he arrived, I was never able to step on that room. T__T

Actually, we have an extension phone upstairs and that's with my other uncle. But of course, I don't want to bother just to burn the phone lines. Such a disturbance, right?

So, Rai and I can't talk over the phone anymore as often as we want and we can't see each other as much as we would love to. =(

But of course, I'm happy that my uncle is safe because he left us and work in Puerto Galera starting November of last year and there was no communication at all. I even dreamt of him at times and the dream that I always have is his arrival. Hahaha!


Mostly, the changes that occured REALLY affected my relationship with Rai. =( After six months of getting used to the things that you are doing or having, changes is slowly taking it all away. That's why I hate changes. SUCH A HINDRANCE FOR MY HAPPINESS! X_x I know, this month of June was not an easy month for us. There was so many things that happened and I know, I gave so much drama. Hubby, sorry. =( I've been insecured about our relationship and I just can't help it. I'm trying my best to keep our relationship intact despite the distance but fate can't just get enough of giving us challenges. ARGH. I'm just thinking of what you're always saying.. this will not happen forever. Everything will go back to its places again and we will live happily ever after. YEHEYYY! Hahahaha! But seriously, thanks for staying with me. :)



And yeah, there's another change that occurred that is definitely giving me a lot of stress!

"Acting Coach" for Wave 7

I definitely would love to try being a coach but I'm just not ready yet handling new agents. I just can't stand how irrational sometimes, they can be. I would choose handling my group, two teams from Security Freeze, than handling Dispute and the newest wave that we have. ARGGGGGHHH. It's really stressful having them.

And why I was appointed there? There supposed-to-be coach is always absent. Some are already joking that she's making Sitel a part-time job e. She's just showing up like once every two weeks? COME ON. And my boss, the Operations Manager (OM), was the one who appointed me to handle that wave. Oh yeah, I was overwhelmed but... I believe I'm still adjusting, until now. T____T

And hey, awhile ago, my friend ask me on what is my current status on the floor. I told him that I really don't know. I am Line 2 aka L2, Real Time Analyst (RTA) and Siebel Assistant (for sales). All-in-one. DANG. (Salary increase! LOL.) But for now, I am the coach for Wave 7. He told me, he's a QA (Quality Analyst), that they received an e-mail that our OM is asking for an L2 for our department, Security Freeze, and there was a note there that they cannot choose me anymore for I'll be manning wave 7. I don't know if I should be happy because I don't need to handle many people but... I'd rather choose my team rather than wave 7. Hahahaha! I know favoritism, LOL, but I'm just used (gamay) with my team. X___x

I don't know what's happening. I'm just being stressed out with whatever is happening in my life. I want my life during summer... and fast forward to me being a coach. BWAHAHAHA. :P


Oh hell, whatever. This has been a very loooooooooong rant already. Hahaha! I doubt if someone reached the end of this blog. LOL.


Another thing... (Meron pa?)


I'm excited for the coming months... Hehe!

By August, his parents will go back to MD. But his Dad is not yet sure. So, I can get my happy weekends again in their house. :)

By the end of October, before my birthday!!!, Lola will go back here in PH. She told me the last time that we talked that she do have a gift for me. She's actually excited. Haha! I don't know what would that be but of course, I'm not expecting it's a laptop or something techie. My Lola won't be excited because of that. Maybe, it's a dress... something to wear! That's what can excite her. Haha! Waaaaaaaa. I wonder.. Naexcite tuloy ako. Hahahaha!

By November, Tito told us that he will go back to Puerto Galera so... the phone will be back to MY possession. BWAHAHAHAHAHA.

By December, it's my anniversary with Rai. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! =)

That's it. ENOUGH. HAHAHAHA! :P